Given the general sporting atmosphere of the moment it would seem a little mean to ignore it. I'm no big sports fan, although I have enjoyed watching the cycling. Just how do they go so fast and make it look so simple? I know for a fact I wouldn't even be able to keep up with the warm up.
Josephs sporting efforts haven't got much further than throwing a ball or trying to beat me up with a toy keyboard, but looking after him at the moment is proving to be something of an endurance event.
He's got rotavirus.
No, it's not some terrifying thing that needs urgent hospital attention and living in a hermetically sealed room for a month, but it would be nice.
Rotavirus is a common infection in small children, it causes a mild fever and... ugh... gastroenteritis. As far as the scale goes, with Cholera at the top end, then this is nearer the bottom, something akin to the after effects of having had a bad kebab.
I got all the information I needed from the Bounty website, a great resource if you can put up with the fact they hide all the really useful stuff away and you've got the patience to keep looking. You'd think they'd keep the information about fevers and runny poop a bit more accessible as they're common sources of worry in parent. (The worry, not the poop).
The news is that rotavirus isn't a problem for adults as we've all developed immunity by five or six. Small children however have to have the bug several times before getting full immunity, but it's not considered a serious illness, just a smelly one. Apparently there's no cause for concern unless he stops drinking and can't hold food down for more than 24 hours or if the "soft stools" continue for more than a week.
A week? Good grief! I might have to put up with this for that long?
For now I'm just up to my elbows in Olympic levels of nappy changes. There's a 10km run in the Olympics, and it looks easy compared to this.
So, if we were going to have an Olympics for parents (logo, five different coloured teethers, all linked together) what events would we have?
1, The babygro - it's an art form on a newborn, they don't fight back. All you've got to do is overcome the sleep deprivation to get all the poppers in the right holes. In a toddler, it's a little closer to a bout of judo - with added kicking.
2, The healthy breakfast - points awarded for getting healthy fruit into the child, but deducted for the amount spat out, thrown around and generally mashed into the carpet.
3, The nappy change - must be concluded in less than 60 seconds for true Olympic standard, but points are lost for any residual solid matter remaining, improper wiping, and the child escaping part way through. There's a specialist event called the Stealth Nappy where you change a sleeping child and don't wake them up. Points are also lost for gagging and calling the child Mr Stinky or Sir Stinks-a-lot.
4, The first endurance event - night time teething. Just how long can you endure the noise before grabbing the calpol?
5, Persuading a toddler to nap - it's more of an art than a sport. It can be made more interesting by people ringing the doorbell or the phone just as you've got them to calm down and shut their eyes. It can result in an unplanned martial arts event against the person at the door.
6, Another endurance event - the whinge. When the child wants something they can't have. How long till you give in?
7, Shopping - points are lost for uncontrollable tantrums and the number of things ending up in the trolley that you didn't actually want. Points are gained for being patient when your child calls the cashier "Mummy".
8, Unpacking the shopping - just how do you keep a toddler out of all those bags? Speed is a factor as are good distraction techniques, but points are lost of items damaged or mislaid and then found a week later squashed at the bottom of a toy box
9, Bath and bedtime - speed is not a skill here, simply the ability to brave the crying and over-exuberant splashing. Points are gained for inventive story telling and lost if you forget to clean anything or mess up the last nappy change. It's a little like the heptathlon as it contains several of the previously mentioned events.
10, Aftermath - a speed and endurance event. You've got to get all those toys put away, clean up the bathroom and all the other general mess and still sort yourself out with a sensible meal. Points are lost for saying "No, I'll leave that till tomorrow" and "Shall we just get a takeaway?"
None of these events are part of the Olympic games but maybe they should be. After all it's no less silly than a hop, skip and a jump.
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